ninabel

Utopiste amateur... mais où va le monde ...

Mercredi 2 décembre 2009 à 22:41

Besoin d'écrire...
Je suis mal, vraiment. Je n'ai pas ressenti cette douleur si spéciale depuis longtemps. Une douleur teintée d'amertume, de regret, de déception, de colère. Un froid qui paralyse et qui fait si mal. L'impression de n'être plus rien. Plus qu'un vulgaire bout de chair avec qui quelqu'un peut s'amuser et jouer. Je me sent pantin, mes fils sont constitués avec mes sentiments. Car il sait qu'il peut faire de moi ce qu'il veut... Mais je n'aurais jamais pensé qu'il le voudrait et le ferait.
Je n'arrive même pas à sortir quelque chose de correct. Je crois que je suis encore en état de choc post-traumatique.
J'étais presque bien hier soir, comme je ne l'avais jamais été depuis pas mal de temps. Même si je ne comprenais pas la raison profonde de son comportement, j'avais tenu, on a passé de bons moments, agréables même. Mais pof, envolé.
En fait, les mots restent coincés. Ils sont tous bloqués dans cette boule qui enfle au niveau de ma gorge. Elle grandit à chaque coups de pics que je reçois dans le coeur. Je vous laisse imaginé le nombre de coups reçus depuis maintenant quatre heures...

Ce que j'écris est vraiment ignoble... Désolé pour ma mauvaise prestation de ce soir. Les évènements ne tournent pas toujours en faveur des mots.



http://ninabel.cowblog.fr/images/image/eaunoire.jpg

J'ai des fois l'impression d'aimer un homme qui n'existe plus...

Par Satine le Jeudi 3 décembre 2009 à 9:41
bon t'as fini de te descendre pour rien ma belle? On écrit ce qu'on veut sur son blog, point. ;)
ah ma belle, ça me désole de te voir si mal... même moi j'vais un peu mieux. si tu as besoin de moi je suis là. tu peux me harceler de sms autant que tu veux, j'adore ça moi les sms! ;)
gros bisous

ps: c'est trop mignon que tu m'aies mise en citation! :$ mais cette phrase n'est pas de moi. Tu te souviens de Pierre, l'homme que j'aimais avant Matt, et dont je parlais très souvent sur satine-objective? ben c'est lui qui disait ça. Mais très sincèrement je ne pense pas que cette phrase était de lui, il a dû lui aussi entendre ça quelque part.
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